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Archive for February, 2013

Tapestry of Grace

One of the things I love most about Galatians is its continued message of freedom, grace, and life through Jesus. It’s the gospel story told over and over and over again. It’s as if Paul is saying, ‘If you didn’t understand it that way, let me tell it to you this way. I will keep explaining it to you until it sinks from your head to your heart and back up again. So that your whole world view, your perspective on everything, is changed. In order for this message to become the sole filter you sift everything through.’

And so we come to Galatians 3.15-25 – an analogy. A modern example of what Christ did for us.

It must have been 3-4 years ago now that I first heard this analogy taught. I’m not sure where I was, all I know is that the comparison stayed with me for days, weeks, months, as I processed it, not only for what it was, but for what the implications of it would be.

It went something like this:

paid-off-mortgageImagine one day you get a letter in the mail that your mortgage has been paid in full. You call the bank to see what’s up and the voice an the other end tells you how a sweet stranger came in talking of how much they loved you and wanted to clear your name forever from this debt. You don’t have to make another payment the rest of your life…. Do you continue mailing in payments? Do you go to the bank and ask if you can clean their bathrooms, or file papers to help pay back your loan or to say thank you for what they’ve done. Of course not! They would look at you like you had lost your mind. They didn’t pay the debt; a complete stranger was the one who came in and loved you enough to set you free from the obligation. Find that person. Get to know them. Say thank you to them, not the bank.

Paul does the same thing here with the church in Galatia. In this short passage he uses the word promise 7 times. An old saying goes something like this – a promise is only as good as the person who said it. It’s in trusting that God is who he says he is and that he has already taken care of your debt. We don’t have to prove ourselves worthy in order to have relationship with him. It’s in and through him that we are worthy, free and loved.

There’s such a beautiful tapestry, interlaced in, among, and around us, like threads connecting, drawing each one together, wooing the spirit and soul to the reality of tapestry-threadslove, life, freedom and grace. It’s the beauty of the promise given by one who loves us before we know him, the worth and intricate value given because he created us, the trust that is built as we learn more of who he is, the belief in the promise that gives us courage to step out in freedom, the freedom that gives us strength to lean into that promise, the love that overwhelms the soul giving it peace to rest in his sweet, sweet whispered hope that resonates deep within our very essence.

This and this alone is the promise and in this my soul will find rest.

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My Journey in Trust

According to Webster trust is defined as:

1. a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

b : one in which confidence is placed

2. a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

I was once told that faith in God is simply active trust. Trusting that God is who he says he is, trusting that I am who God says I am, trusting that God has done what He said he has done, trusting that I can simply rest in Him.

My journey with trust began about a year and a half ago. Up until that point I often found myself telling my children when asked why they couldn’t do something, “It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust anyone.”

Broken-TrustI know where it all began: Growing up we moved nine times between the ages of three and eight, going to seven different schools by the end of my third grade year a total of ten by the time I graduated high school. The longest I spent at any one place were my three consecutive years in high school. I quickly learned that trust was something that wasn’t extended to people, places, or circumstances, because they would soon be out of my life. Opening my heart to risk being hurt, to me was like learning not to put my hand on a hot stove. It only took a couple of times before I resolved to never do that again.

So when I opened my heart to God, though it was very real, sincere, and honest, it wasn’t complete. I trusted him enough to get me to heaven, to take care of everything on the other side of eternity. Yet, when it came to things down here, where life had proven itself to be dark, I chose to take care of things on my own. Of course I would ask him to be part of things, it helped hide the blind spots of fear that so gripped my heart. Fear of: What if God isn’t who he says he is? What if I’m not who he says I am? What if in the end, he’s going to see what I see inside of me, the parts I haven’t been able to get rid of, and he too will leave? What if I am truly worthless? Without even knowing it, I had created a God to fit me. To fit what I thought I wanted, and one that fit the lies that I chose to hold onto.

395491_329223333849685_223540981_nI had gotten myself so convinced that the only place God could really hold me was in eternity. I began to fixate on it. Thinking of ways I could go be with him. I know a ‘good Christian’ isn’t supposed to think of suicide. And I did. For months I would think of ways I could make it look like an accident: How could I make sure my girls aren’t the ones to find me? What’s the quickest way to get me out of here? What can I do now to ensure everything is in place for when I leave? The questions went on…. it was beginning to consume me….

Thankfully I didn’t have the answers to all of those questions, and thankfully, God isn’t just in eternity. In the fall of 2011 I began a class called Aphesis: Immersion Experience. Where I began immersing myself in truth: truth of who God is, truth of who I am, truth of his intimate involvement in my life. I began reading books of the Bible as a whole, starting with 1Peter. A book full of hope and truth, the reality that life is hard, and that doesn’t change who God is. It was on that journey that everything changed for me. I began to release the chains of fear and law that were suffocating my soul. I began to step out and trust that God wasn’t going to leave me. That he was able to hold me here on this side of eternity. I began to simply sit, let him tell me truth, let him breath life into my soul.

When I read this passage (Galatians 3.1-14) I couldn’t help but relate to where the churches in Galatia were. To trust God enough to get things started, to trust him for what felt comfortable in trusting, and then relying myself for the rest of it. The verse, ‘for all who rely on works of the lay are under a curse.’ rang so true. That’s exactly where I was at, relying on myself, relying on my works, relying on my hope… cursed with a life of living in circles, always jumping, never able to fly, thinking it was in my power that I could change thing, I could be control, I could be safe.

In trusting that Jesus died to take all my guilt, all my shame, all my hurt, and all my pain, in holding onto hope in the truth, that is where my heart learned to be light, and I was able to learn to trust… one step at a time.

‘No distrust made him waiver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.’ Romans 4.10-21

Thank you God for your truth. Thank you for your hope. Thank you that you are bigger than anything that binds us in slavery, in hurt, in pain, in despair. Thank you that you took our guilt and shame, and that we can live in a peace of trust in you. Continue to remind me of your hope, continue to show me your truth. When I begin to fear, let me hear your sweet whispers in my ear…Jumping woman at sunset

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There are some passages that bring freedom to me more than others. Some books that stand out to me as places my soul wants to anchor down in and lay for awhile. Galatians has been that book, largely because of the truth in these verses Galatians 2.11-21.

freedom1You see for years I tried to earn my salvation, my acceptance with God. Believing that I was innately flawed and broken at my core kept me in a cycle of self-defeating behaviors. (Read more of that story here…) Before I new Christ those behaviors were socially unacceptable, trying to drown out the voice of inadequacy in my heart with anything that would satisfy my flesh at that moment. After I realized there was a Daddy God who loved me and wanted me as his own I continued to fight the inadequacy, I continued in beating myself up as often as possible, this time with all the things that gave me acceptance in the eyes of the ‘church world’.

Yet for all those years living as if I had it all together, I would still wake up broken, hurting and condemned inside. Living in a pool of shame and guilt for the person I thought I was, for the things I had done, and for the inability to make myself better. I couldn’t bring myself to accept that somehow I could be unconditionally loved. I continued to tell myself, ‘If only people knew what I had done….’ ‘If people saw what was really inside of me then…’ I was afraid to even finish the sentence, all I knew was that people couldn’t find out.

I could read verses like Galatians 2.16, “we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ… because by works of the law no one will be justified.” believe it in my head, longing for it to penetrate my heart, and walk away still feeling ashamed of who I was, unable to accept the truth.

I was slowly dying inside, the law was condemning me, sucking the life out of my soul.

It wasn’t until recently that my heart began to see the hope and life there is for me. The beauty in the tumblr_mdnw3rP5a41rv29wyo1_500freedom away from the law, the beauty of resting in who I was created to be, the realization that my sweet Daddy God has seen me completely and loves me unconditionally.

What freedom there is in that! I don’t have to prove my worth. I don’t have to wake up each day living in the slavery of lies telling me I’m worthless, condemned, and broken beyond restoration. I can open my eyes knowing there’s a grace bigger than the ugliness of my sins. There’s a love deeper than the wounds in my heart, and there’s a loving savior who, knowing all that I’ve done, and all that I will do, has chosen to love me, save me, and cover me with his grace.

Are there things in your life that you’re keeping locked up for fear of condemnation?

Are you able to fully accept the free gift of love and grace God is pouring out onto you?

Can you see who you are, outside of the things you’ve done or are doing?

Take some time today to rest in who He is. Read this passage a few times, let it soak into your heart, soul, and mind. Allow yourself to accept the fact that you are fully known and unconditionally loved.

Thank you Daddy God for seeing the deepest parts of my soul, the parts that cause me to look away in disgust, and for loving me anyway. Thank you that I don’t have to work for your love. Thank you that I can’t lose your grace. Thank you that I don’t have to live in the slavery of condemnation. Help me to see myself through your eyes. Help me to see others through the loving grace you’ve so freely given to me. Amen.

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